I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
