i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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