Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize