How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
