Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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