hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
