we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
