So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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