JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
