It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
