Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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