my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize