I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
