Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
