I just pynch a tree in the face
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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