I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
