You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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