Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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