I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
