ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
