Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
