You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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