I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i out mim tonsoeep
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