They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
