I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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