Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love accidental penises.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
