Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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