Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
