she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
