I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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