She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize