so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
