You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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