i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
