You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
