If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Never joke about your clitoris.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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