I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
