Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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