I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
