Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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