and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
