it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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