And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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