The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
