I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How's work?
Spinning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
