So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
