do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
