My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize