If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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