I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
