i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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