I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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