Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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