haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
