if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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