are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
