covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize