No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
