Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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