Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
