Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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