You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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