Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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