Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
