I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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