So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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