I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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