I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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