he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
