I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my nose is crying tears of wow.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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