Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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