so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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